Bonds

'Bonds' the most appropriate word I can think of for how I feel when it comes to relations and therefore also fits the mood of this post (or the state of my mind). 

 

More often than not, in spite of living in a free country, I can vouch that most of us feel enslaved. Some fearless leaders of our country, managed freedom from foreign control in the past, but who will the brave leaders of freeing us from moral policing. It is fairly easy to talk of freedom, but how many of us truly feel free from societal norms.

 

To me relationships nowadays seem more like a burden (I wonder if you feel the same). Its like every relation I have (or wish to have) will first have to get the societal approval. Freedom to create soothing and free relationships seems like a distant dream, especially in this country, which by the way happens to be one of the largest democracy in the world. 

 

India, with all its cultural ethnicity  seems to be divided in such small pieces that bringing them to one burden free nation will take a several centuries (at least by the looks of what I have experienced till now). These pseudo-morals are so deep rooted in most of us, that every time we try to make a relation, we only end up regretting it (because the other protagonist in most our perfect little stories has fallen prey to these 'pseudo-morals').

 

People are so obsessed with possessing you in all the 'wrong' ways. Possession i believe isn't bad at all, it gives you a sense of being 'really' wanted by someone but trying to own emotions and a persons free mind, then calling it 'I care for you possession' is not only unacceptable but very suffocating.

 

Isn't love just friendship set on fire? If we can have a zillion friends and the same is completely acceptable, why is having only one-committed 'love' so over-rated? Can we not have fire set on various friendships at the same time? Cant human beings have connections with just more than one single person? Being humans and having so many shortcomings, why should a person be forced to accept only one person to share all their emotions. I do not advocate infidelity or cheating, but if we look at 'love' so narrowly, then loving your mother and your mothers sister (aunt/masi)  would also in a way be cheating on your love for your mother.?

 

If we find all the peace in the world in only one face, we may stick to it, but what if we don't  Should the society decide for us, if we should for the fear of being judged be miserable or if not miserable, at least suppress our emotions. People after years of being together with one person, suddenly flip out and make bonds beside that single person (and hide it for fear of a judgmental society . We all judge them, but who has looked at every single moment they have spent together to really judge them! Have we ever lived their story? May be the connection died or some solace they find not in their partner but a different person. Have you ever felt unimaginably comfortable with a person you are not obliged to commit to? If yes, ever wondered why?

 

Well until we are genuinely free, the only option is to enjoy these Bonds (with all the secrets flights we take, when someone comes and lets you spread your wings)

P.S. - All references to connections referred above are purely emotional.

Freeing the mind.

It is one of those sadder evenings, that I needed to raise my spiritual energies and read something rejuvenating... of course, my favourite recourse was some Buddhist literature... I wonder that why is it that I end up having such bouts of sadness... I ended up thinking hard as to when was the last time I genuinely felt happy or felt at peace? Knowing my mind very well and being fully aware of its capacity to wander to innumerable avenues, i decided to stick to only one thought!! and the thought was - 'how will be become peaceful in the mind?'

Am I the only one suffering from such bouts of emptiness? because everywhere I look, people appear happy and jovial. But then I wonder, is there something more than that which merely meets the eye? A very practical friend of mine, who I have barely seen happy once told me, keep yourself busy, because an empty mind is a devil's workshop, and the evil thoughts will eat you up from within. I tried that idea, never had a single idle moment, initially it worked, I had no sad bouts and I became submerged in various tasks. However, as a few months went by, the sad bouts relapsed (like a cancerous tumor). In the middle of drafting, researching and even discussions, I felt empty. When I hit the bed, after a fruitful day at work and some little, but good time spent with family and friends, I felt like I was cheating myself. Strangely so, the very same friend also broke down one fine evening, constantly suppressing her thoughts, only got her to the edge to finally break down.

So what is that we really need to be peaceful? To be busy? To be happy? From the little Buddhist Literature that I have read, in my aspiration to one day take the path of Buddhism, I have noticed this constant reiteration on training the mind. Apparently (and I choose that word, because I am still working on it) if you train your mind to be free from all desires, is when one will experience eternal peace. Does that in simple terms means free yourself of expectations. I have heard that 'expectations are the root cause of all heartache'. But then again, isn't it easier said than done? As a human mind, we are trained since childhood to expect and fulfill expectations simultaneously. Is freeing the mind of expectations/desires an easy task? I guess not. 

However, to free the mind of all desires, in my opinion, is not only difficult but also very confusing. One may be deceived to feel that they are slowly freeing their minds of desire, however, it could only be a suppression. This way of life as beautiful and rewarding it may sound surely is an uphill task, that demands a lot of meditation and training. However, the fruit that we reap from the seeds sown during this training will most definitely be the sweetest. 

To be happy or to be righteous?

Well, for someone who lives in the morally loaded yet hypocritical Indian society, the biggest question is how to balance our own choices against the choices which the society rightfully wants to make for us.

The term righteous is deceptively confusing, at least for people who are objective and do not want to follow the moral code of conduct. Righteous in its orthodoxy would mean something which is guilt free and devoid of any sin. But I am not aware who made these moral barometers and on what rationale? What they call a sin, for me may not be so much of a sin? Code of conducts attested by custom are not always befitting to the society, especially in a rapidly growing global village (world). 


To exemplify my anxiety, for some righteous, consuming alcohol is a sin. But for someone who relishes the subtle trip that alcohol has to offer, in order to help get a good night's sleep, is it really a sin? Isn't it more like a bane? People who drink alcohol with a kind heart become sinner because they need the sinalcohol to put them to sleep, but someone who will follow the righteous ways but have horrible karma, is still righteous? Hypocrisy baffles me. Alcohol, without doubt, is not good for health. However, anything in excess isn't good for health. Anything in moderation is acceptable though. To be accepted, one must be righteous, however, sometimes to be happy, you may not chose the path of righteousness. this is where the real problem arises.
If I chose, to give up something that makes me happy, only to become righteous, will i genuinely be happy? Yes, if it is out of my freewill and consent and suits my conscience, I may be more than happy. However, if you are forced and conditioned by the society, to take a path which you believe isn't quite as just as the society projects it, will you be really happy? 

Being a woman from India, this battle of happiness and righteousness, could be quite tiresome. The only plausible end I can think of is, whether to be happy or to be righteous, is question we must confront given the situations in front of us. Like we all know 'no two situations are the same', then why should be use the same barometer to make any decision we are confronted with.

P.S. I can sleep without alcohol :P