Taking Control...

Being a dreamer and a hopeless romantic, have you ever had an extremely difficult time making choices, which may be insignificant (for the believers/ practical people) but feel like life-choices... I can vouch that each one of us has met that one person, for whom for a moment we have felt that we are just about everything and suddenly something happens and we become non-existent... this is my story and my life experiences.. one evening I meet him, he seems excited to see me... the next evening we meet again.. share a few intimate moments.. the air is awkward... u r uncomfortable, i am unable to bring in the comfort due to certain thoughts that have clouded my mind... we go our own ways... n then every time i try to get in touch with you, you are unavailable.. without saying a word, without giving me a reason, you have chosen to ignore me...

i strongly believe that, we chose to be happy or to be unhappy... its our minds and our thoughts that determine happiness or sadness for us... i read somewhere 'If you want to walk out of my life, I will hold the door open for you' so I decided may be I should apply this to you and if you do not want to even give me a reason to walk out - its your choice, you fail the test of decency and courtesy and not me... However, if taking control of a mind is like trying to stop water from seeping in the door.. you cannot just put a door and shut it out, the blockage must go down to the roots...

I sit here hundreds of kms away from you, have you even thought of me once in so many days? is everything I did for you, just a waste? were you just using me for your benefit? am I, a supremely educated, self-dependent, moderately good-looking girl going to spend my precious time thinking of someone who hasn't cared one bit..? who has refused to commit to me on day one... even if you now decide to be with me, will it be worth the effort... is this going to be true and genuine love or just force, if it  ever will be?

Removing you from my system isn't going to be easy.. I gave you my heart, my soul and all you did was crush it... I need to take control.. Have you all found it difficult to take control of your emotions? Even if you knew that its going to be painful if you do not take control? Or are some of you like me addicted to being in pain? I believe I am the category who is attached to the feeling of being in pain due to love... i already had my heart broken once and I gave it away to you and you did the same thing... Yet I do not learn my lesson, take control and move on.. all I do is cry more, mourn more... but until when? Will i need another man to save me from this.. will that not mean giving him my heart and the right to break it again? Dreamers! *sigh*

Need to be in LOVE...

Long time since I posted anything... actually have so much on my mind, I am not sure what all to post and what all to leave out... So I hear a friend say this when we were discussing a few personal love problems that most women commonly face after a break-up at a marriagable age... "Some people just feel the need to love and be loved all the time... that's how some girls roll..."

Last weekend I went to see this play called 'Hum-Safar'.... It was a play of a couple divorced after 15 years and the impact the divorce has not only on their lives but also people around them... After going through a break-up of a relation 8 years long and with chances to go back, I find myself in excatly the same shoes as the couple in the play... For people like me who are dreamers and believers, being in love is a constant need... does anyone of you feel the same need....? However, I keep wondering... is it possible to be constantly in love even without having someone to shower your love on... Is it possible to be in love without being constantly showered with love.... I wonder!!

Heard these very deep lines in the play by the very great Gulzar saahab that I want to share with my almost non-existant blog readers.... hahahhaha!!

Aadatein bhi ajeeb hoti hai,

Sans lena bhi kaisi aadat hai,

jiye jana bhi kya rawaiyat hai,

koi aahat nahi badan mein...

kahin koi saya nahi hai aankhon mein,

Paaon bay-hiss hain, Chaltay jaatay hain...

Ik safar hai jo behta rehta hai,

Kitnay Barson se, Kitni sadiyon se,

Jiye jaatay hain, Jiye jaatay hain

Aadatein bhi ajeeb hoti hain..!!