Bonds

'Bonds' the most appropriate word I can think of for how I feel when it comes to relations and therefore also fits the mood of this post (or the state of my mind). 

 

More often than not, in spite of living in a free country, I can vouch that most of us feel enslaved. Some fearless leaders of our country, managed freedom from foreign control in the past, but who will the brave leaders of freeing us from moral policing. It is fairly easy to talk of freedom, but how many of us truly feel free from societal norms.

 

To me relationships nowadays seem more like a burden (I wonder if you feel the same). Its like every relation I have (or wish to have) will first have to get the societal approval. Freedom to create soothing and free relationships seems like a distant dream, especially in this country, which by the way happens to be one of the largest democracy in the world. 

 

India, with all its cultural ethnicity  seems to be divided in such small pieces that bringing them to one burden free nation will take a several centuries (at least by the looks of what I have experienced till now). These pseudo-morals are so deep rooted in most of us, that every time we try to make a relation, we only end up regretting it (because the other protagonist in most our perfect little stories has fallen prey to these 'pseudo-morals').

 

People are so obsessed with possessing you in all the 'wrong' ways. Possession i believe isn't bad at all, it gives you a sense of being 'really' wanted by someone but trying to own emotions and a persons free mind, then calling it 'I care for you possession' is not only unacceptable but very suffocating.

 

Isn't love just friendship set on fire? If we can have a zillion friends and the same is completely acceptable, why is having only one-committed 'love' so over-rated? Can we not have fire set on various friendships at the same time? Cant human beings have connections with just more than one single person? Being humans and having so many shortcomings, why should a person be forced to accept only one person to share all their emotions. I do not advocate infidelity or cheating, but if we look at 'love' so narrowly, then loving your mother and your mothers sister (aunt/masi)  would also in a way be cheating on your love for your mother.?

 

If we find all the peace in the world in only one face, we may stick to it, but what if we don't  Should the society decide for us, if we should for the fear of being judged be miserable or if not miserable, at least suppress our emotions. People after years of being together with one person, suddenly flip out and make bonds beside that single person (and hide it for fear of a judgmental society . We all judge them, but who has looked at every single moment they have spent together to really judge them! Have we ever lived their story? May be the connection died or some solace they find not in their partner but a different person. Have you ever felt unimaginably comfortable with a person you are not obliged to commit to? If yes, ever wondered why?

 

Well until we are genuinely free, the only option is to enjoy these Bonds (with all the secrets flights we take, when someone comes and lets you spread your wings)

P.S. - All references to connections referred above are purely emotional.

Freeing the mind.

It is one of those sadder evenings, that I needed to raise my spiritual energies and read something rejuvenating... of course, my favourite recourse was some Buddhist literature... I wonder that why is it that I end up having such bouts of sadness... I ended up thinking hard as to when was the last time I genuinely felt happy or felt at peace? Knowing my mind very well and being fully aware of its capacity to wander to innumerable avenues, i decided to stick to only one thought!! and the thought was - 'how will be become peaceful in the mind?'

Am I the only one suffering from such bouts of emptiness? because everywhere I look, people appear happy and jovial. But then I wonder, is there something more than that which merely meets the eye? A very practical friend of mine, who I have barely seen happy once told me, keep yourself busy, because an empty mind is a devil's workshop, and the evil thoughts will eat you up from within. I tried that idea, never had a single idle moment, initially it worked, I had no sad bouts and I became submerged in various tasks. However, as a few months went by, the sad bouts relapsed (like a cancerous tumor). In the middle of drafting, researching and even discussions, I felt empty. When I hit the bed, after a fruitful day at work and some little, but good time spent with family and friends, I felt like I was cheating myself. Strangely so, the very same friend also broke down one fine evening, constantly suppressing her thoughts, only got her to the edge to finally break down.

So what is that we really need to be peaceful? To be busy? To be happy? From the little Buddhist Literature that I have read, in my aspiration to one day take the path of Buddhism, I have noticed this constant reiteration on training the mind. Apparently (and I choose that word, because I am still working on it) if you train your mind to be free from all desires, is when one will experience eternal peace. Does that in simple terms means free yourself of expectations. I have heard that 'expectations are the root cause of all heartache'. But then again, isn't it easier said than done? As a human mind, we are trained since childhood to expect and fulfill expectations simultaneously. Is freeing the mind of expectations/desires an easy task? I guess not. 

However, to free the mind of all desires, in my opinion, is not only difficult but also very confusing. One may be deceived to feel that they are slowly freeing their minds of desire, however, it could only be a suppression. This way of life as beautiful and rewarding it may sound surely is an uphill task, that demands a lot of meditation and training. However, the fruit that we reap from the seeds sown during this training will most definitely be the sweetest. 

To be happy or to be righteous?

Well, for someone who lives in the morally loaded yet hypocritical Indian society, the biggest question is how to balance our own choices against the choices which the society rightfully wants to make for us.

The term righteous is deceptively confusing, at least for people who are objective and do not want to follow the moral code of conduct. Righteous in its orthodoxy would mean something which is guilt free and devoid of any sin. But I am not aware who made these moral barometers and on what rationale? What they call a sin, for me may not be so much of a sin? Code of conducts attested by custom are not always befitting to the society, especially in a rapidly growing global village (world). 


To exemplify my anxiety, for some righteous, consuming alcohol is a sin. But for someone who relishes the subtle trip that alcohol has to offer, in order to help get a good night's sleep, is it really a sin? Isn't it more like a bane? People who drink alcohol with a kind heart become sinner because they need the sinalcohol to put them to sleep, but someone who will follow the righteous ways but have horrible karma, is still righteous? Hypocrisy baffles me. Alcohol, without doubt, is not good for health. However, anything in excess isn't good for health. Anything in moderation is acceptable though. To be accepted, one must be righteous, however, sometimes to be happy, you may not chose the path of righteousness. this is where the real problem arises.
If I chose, to give up something that makes me happy, only to become righteous, will i genuinely be happy? Yes, if it is out of my freewill and consent and suits my conscience, I may be more than happy. However, if you are forced and conditioned by the society, to take a path which you believe isn't quite as just as the society projects it, will you be really happy? 

Being a woman from India, this battle of happiness and righteousness, could be quite tiresome. The only plausible end I can think of is, whether to be happy or to be righteous, is question we must confront given the situations in front of us. Like we all know 'no two situations are the same', then why should be use the same barometer to make any decision we are confronted with.

P.S. I can sleep without alcohol :P 

Taking Control...

Being a dreamer and a hopeless romantic, have you ever had an extremely difficult time making choices, which may be insignificant (for the believers/ practical people) but feel like life-choices... I can vouch that each one of us has met that one person, for whom for a moment we have felt that we are just about everything and suddenly something happens and we become non-existent... this is my story and my life experiences.. one evening I meet him, he seems excited to see me... the next evening we meet again.. share a few intimate moments.. the air is awkward... u r uncomfortable, i am unable to bring in the comfort due to certain thoughts that have clouded my mind... we go our own ways... n then every time i try to get in touch with you, you are unavailable.. without saying a word, without giving me a reason, you have chosen to ignore me...

i strongly believe that, we chose to be happy or to be unhappy... its our minds and our thoughts that determine happiness or sadness for us... i read somewhere 'If you want to walk out of my life, I will hold the door open for you' so I decided may be I should apply this to you and if you do not want to even give me a reason to walk out - its your choice, you fail the test of decency and courtesy and not me... However, if taking control of a mind is like trying to stop water from seeping in the door.. you cannot just put a door and shut it out, the blockage must go down to the roots...

I sit here hundreds of kms away from you, have you even thought of me once in so many days? is everything I did for you, just a waste? were you just using me for your benefit? am I, a supremely educated, self-dependent, moderately good-looking girl going to spend my precious time thinking of someone who hasn't cared one bit..? who has refused to commit to me on day one... even if you now decide to be with me, will it be worth the effort... is this going to be true and genuine love or just force, if it  ever will be?

Removing you from my system isn't going to be easy.. I gave you my heart, my soul and all you did was crush it... I need to take control.. Have you all found it difficult to take control of your emotions? Even if you knew that its going to be painful if you do not take control? Or are some of you like me addicted to being in pain? I believe I am the category who is attached to the feeling of being in pain due to love... i already had my heart broken once and I gave it away to you and you did the same thing... Yet I do not learn my lesson, take control and move on.. all I do is cry more, mourn more... but until when? Will i need another man to save me from this.. will that not mean giving him my heart and the right to break it again? Dreamers! *sigh*

Fearsome Future!

Where anything exists/lives, fear is bound to exist… In the animal world, fear is only of surviving – surviving from other more powerful animals, surviving in adverse food/weather conditions… But in the world of human beings, fear is just not restricted to survival… the biggest fear, I have experienced and have seen most people suffer from is the fear of the unknown… a very wise person once said that “change is the only constant”… most people would be aware of this..  I know about this one too, but then when the only thing certain and constant in our lives is ‘change’ why is the future/ the unknown/ the surprise - a source of constant fear in our lives… people chose to live miserable lives because they do not want to leave their comfort zones, they do not want to leave the familiar…

Fear of the unexpected and unknown forces us to live miserably and we very well plunge into this temptation, blaming all of it on our emotions, love, blah blah blah…! But is something that makes you feel miserable, does not let you grow, makes you unsure of you nice self really love or true emotions…? Isn’t it more of something which is a habit which we refuse to abandon and therefore loosely term it love… why can we not gather the courage to shun the miserable and just be strong enough to face the unknown.. Isn’t there a possibility that the unknown surprises us by being better than the known…

Yes, agreed that a known devil is better than an unknown devil… But is it that the change that we are expecting, these unknown encounters necessarily devilish… can they not be good! How do we reject this pessimism about the future and fill it with optimism… make our selves believe that even the unknown or should I say that the unusual can also be positive and better for our future.. -  A refreshing breeze of goodness…. 

Need to be in LOVE...

Long time since I posted anything... actually have so much on my mind, I am not sure what all to post and what all to leave out... So I hear a friend say this when we were discussing a few personal love problems that most women commonly face after a break-up at a marriagable age... "Some people just feel the need to love and be loved all the time... that's how some girls roll..."

Last weekend I went to see this play called 'Hum-Safar'.... It was a play of a couple divorced after 15 years and the impact the divorce has not only on their lives but also people around them... After going through a break-up of a relation 8 years long and with chances to go back, I find myself in excatly the same shoes as the couple in the play... For people like me who are dreamers and believers, being in love is a constant need... does anyone of you feel the same need....? However, I keep wondering... is it possible to be constantly in love even without having someone to shower your love on... Is it possible to be in love without being constantly showered with love.... I wonder!!

Heard these very deep lines in the play by the very great Gulzar saahab that I want to share with my almost non-existant blog readers.... hahahhaha!!

Aadatein bhi ajeeb hoti hai,

Sans lena bhi kaisi aadat hai,

jiye jana bhi kya rawaiyat hai,

koi aahat nahi badan mein...

kahin koi saya nahi hai aankhon mein,

Paaon bay-hiss hain, Chaltay jaatay hain...

Ik safar hai jo behta rehta hai,

Kitnay Barson se, Kitni sadiyon se,

Jiye jaatay hain, Jiye jaatay hain

Aadatein bhi ajeeb hoti hain..!!

New Years!!

Well.. here we are at the beginning of a brand new year... a new year means new opportunities new horizons and quite some changes in the year... I wish I could really leave back many of the things that have happened in the last year and give many things a fresh beginning... do you feel the same?

so what are your resolutions for the new year??